Day 2--Day of Sorrow

Saturday, April 17th, 2010

I laboured like that, alone, for about the first 3 hours. I didn't want to wake up Aaron yet, because I knew he would need his sleep, and for some reason I just didn't want to disturb him. Silly me. lol I was texting my parents though, and talking to my poor sister, Tami (who is going slightly crazy over this! :) She wants to be here very badly, and I wish she could be too... so she's compensating by not sleeping either. lol) She was doing great, giving me tips to try and helping me out as best she could.

I had called my midwife, Kelly, and found out she was at a birth, and so was her backup midwife. Which meant if I wanted to be checked or anything I would have to go to the hospital. I really didn't want to do that, and told myself I was still okay and could handle this myself for a little while longer, and see if the lady she was with would have her baby soon, making Kelly able to come to me. But I wasn't doing very good labouring on my own. I told Kelly I was seriously considering having a epidural. She knew I really didn't want that, and reminded me of the pros and cons to having one. I decided I would hold out a little while longer.

3:30am, I told my dad to tell mom it was time for her to leave to come here. I should have told her to come eariler--why I was trying to be "strong" by myself, I have no idea! I decided to get in the bath tub and see how I faired in there, and the water seemed to help me a lot, so I called to Aaron and told him to get the birth pool ready. It was already blown up, so he just needed to put the liner in and get the hose to fill it up. He was very attentive to me, asking me if I was okay before going to the house for the hose and a big pot for boiling water, and worked really fast and efficiently. :) I was feeling a lot better now that someone else was with me, and got a glimps of hope that I could actually do this the way I had always planned.

Aaron's mom, Carol, ended up coming over to help boil water to speed up the tub being filled. I wanted to get in there so badly! lol It quickly became apparent that I needed Aaron with me whenever I had a contraction. I needed to feel his strength and his support while I was going through those few seconds of pain.

Around 5:00am my mom arrived, sounding all cheery and happy, like we were having a party or something! lol It felt even more possible to have a home birth now that she was there, and having the support of her, Aaron and Carol really boosted my confidence level.

FYI-- Contractions SUCK! Mine were coming every few minutes and last somewhere around a minute. Some people told me contractions feel like a wave, starting off small, getting large and heavy, and then dying down. I didn't get to experience this. Mine just seemed to be already at the peak when they happened, and then stop, then come again! The best thing I could do was hold onto Aaron and breathe in while he rubbed my back upwards, then when I exhaled he would rub down. Meanwhile, I was rolling my head from side to side, trying to make everything as rhythmical as possible.

Aaron and I tried to rest as much as we could between contractions. However, that meant laying down for only a few moments, before I was saying Aaron's name (which was his cue to get up and start rubbing my back)

The day moved surprisingly fast. One minute it was dark, then we saw the sun come up, then it got dark again! lol

I was calling my midwife at various times to keep her updated. I think it was around 5 or 6pm that she was able to get to my place. That was another source of hope for me-- now that she was here, I could get this baby out of me! Oh, how nieve... She checked me when she first got there, and said I was 6cm. I was so upset. Only 6?! Didn't my body know how much pain I was in, how long I've been feeling it all for, and it had only opened to 6?! Everyone else thought this was great, which made me more upset. Dummies-- 9 would have been good news! lol

By now my contractions are right on top of each other. Kelly asked if my water broke, but I didn't know (how are you supposed to know when you're in water? lol) So she broke my water for me at are 8 or 9pm (those kind of details are fuzzy now... but doesn't really matter I guess.)

Now I'm feeling hopeful that this baby will come! There was even a time I thought I was feeling urges to push... Kelly kept telling me I would "know" when it was time... but I think I was feeling so done, I imagined I was ready. She checked me, and in a few hours I had only gotten to 7 cm. When I heard that, I could feel my spirits drop, like someone had opened my mouth and poured already drying cement down my throat.

I had been having a hard time managing the pain from the contractions for a while. My strong grunts and moans became higher pitched, and I could feel myself losing control of my breathing. Crying was becoming more and more frequent, and I could see the stress of my being in pain showing on Aaron's face, so I'd try harder, and tried to tell myself that if pioneer women could do this, if women have always been able to do this, I could too... But I was tired, and in pain. Aaron reminded me that we could always go to the hospital for an epidural, and told me that I wouldn't be letting myself down at all, and that he was proud of me and how well I was doing. Even Kelly suggested going to hospital.

Aaron and I were in the bathroom together while I finished a contraction when I had another crying break down. That's when I told him I was thinking of going to the hospital. He was encouraging, but told me it was my decision and that he'd support me with whatever I chose to do. I had so many arguments going through my mind... I had come all this way, only to quit now? Was I really this weak? I hate drugs and hospitals and Doctors, and never wanted my babies born there. I've been awake for so long, how much longer can I really do this for? And I knew the answer-- I was done! I knew there was an escape goat to the pain--and I wanted it!

So, I made up my mind. I announced I wanted to go. Once I had made up my mind, it was all I could think about. I was starting to feel my mind and body shut down, my strength leaving, and my overall drive was fading. Kelly had to pack up all her gear and call the hospital and I'm not sure what else.. My mom and MIL (mother in law) finished packing my bag for me. I was scared of the car ride, because contractions were hard for me to manage while I was sitting. I usually had to be standing, leaning on Aaron! (Poor guy got a real work out that day, too! Trying to hold up a fat pregnant woman. lol)

When they were almost ready to go, Aaron and I left first. I know Heavenly Father was watching out for me now, because I only had 2 or 3 contractions on the way to the hospital, and they seemed somwhat easy to manage. We got to the hospital, and Kelly took my to my room while Aaron did some paper work I guess, then met me in the room. I was the only woman in the ward at that time! Pretty sweet. :) We got there around 12:00am Sunday morning... which means, one last post before the end of the birth story! :)

Come back soon!ish...

...What Is This Feeling???

Friday, April 16th, 2010



What a dumb day! I've been having contractions the past 2 days, but this morning things seem to have totally stopped, or at least slowed down so they're next to nothing. This has put me in a mildy bad mood.



My sister in law, Betsy, had mailed me a package for the baby, and so my Mom and I went to pick it up at the post office--but I had to sign for it, and since I haven't legally changed my name yet and updated my government ID stuff, they wouldn't let me get it! Oh, even though they know my mother in law super well, and it's obvious I'm pregnant and about to burst and the package says "Baby Glanfield" on it... it was just really infurriating!



Then my mom took me to the mall to get my hair done, We were in a bit of a time crunch because we also had to go to lunch for my fatehr is laws step mother's birthday lunch. But no one at the mall could take me until 1 (Which is when we were supposed to have lunch) So now I'm in a pretty crummy feeling mood--my contractions have stopped, I can't get my packagae, and now I can't get my hair done! Seriously, everyone is against me today, I'm sure about that! ;)



After lunch (which was very nice, BTW) Aaron took me to the post office so I could get the package. :) And i tore into that thing! She had sent some super cute outfits and a cover for my nursing pillow! Baby things seem to make everything better. :)



My mom decided to go home that afternoon, thinking that if she did that would help put me into labour! At this point, anything is worth a try to me. She left shortly after we got home from lunch, and I went to work using the breast pump to try to get some oxitosen (sp?) going through me to bring on the contractions.



My mother in law gave me a call and asked if I wanted her to take me to the mall to get my hair done. I guess she felt bad for me and wanted to make me happy. :) So I made an appointment and she took me over there for 6. Well, I started having a few very mild and very spaced out contractions while getting my hair done, and by 8:00pm they were coming on pretty strong and frequently. I warned my mom, and they stayed in contact with me for updates.



Aaron and I went to bed, but as soon as I layed down the contractions got stronger and really hard to deal with, so I got up. That seemed to help-- I guess I felt out of control or something when I was laying down, and moving (like swaying) seemed to help me a lot.

And that was Friday! Next post will be about Saturday. :) Stay tuned!

What the PUPPPS?!

Alrighty, here's the story. Last Friday (April 2nd) My parents, brother Ken and his wife, Heather, their kids, Talia and Katrina, and the MacRae children were going to the temple. So I woke up at about 8:00 am to say bye to everyone. When I got up, I noticed that my stomache was SUPER hot! I went into the kitchen and told my mom that I thought my stomache had a fever! She put a hand on it and thought the same, and so did everyone else. Also, my stretch marks looked BRIGHT pink! I figured the baby had just gone through a massive growth spurt or something and my tummy wasn't handling it very well.

So throughout the day I kept a cold wash cloth on my belly to try to keep the temperature down and my discomfort to a minimum. I then went about my morning doing the things I had planned. I did laundry, cleaned my bedroom (like, really cleaned it! Washed the walls and everything!) and I was wiped by the afternoon. The heat still hadn't gone away by the time everyone got home.

That was my last day living in kitchener! No more driving back and forth between houses like a child in the middle of a divorce! lol

Alas---my stomache got worse. Not only did the marks stay bright pink, but they also began to raise up. The first night it woke me up, I was in absolute pain! It was as if someone had slammed a red hot frying pan on my stomache--just pure, white hot pain. I couldn't sleep in the bed anymore--it was too uncomfortable, and I didn't have easy access to ice cubes or fresh cold water. I even froze some pads so I could cover my stomache during the night.

I tried doing research online about this. "sore stretch marks" "painful stretch marks pregnant" things like that. Everywhere was simply telling me "You may get stretchmarks while pregnant, however, they do not hurt..." I was pretty close a couple of times to emailing these people and chewing them out! lol

Then a few days ago, a friend of mine (Nicole) told me she had read somewhere about PUPPPS, and thought that's what I had! I googled some pictures, and was shocked--they looked just like my belly!! So I did some research s to what PUPPPS is, and self diagnosed myself with it. The next day, Aaron's family had a guy visiting that had been a missionary here many moons ago, and he's a dermatologist! I told him what I thought I had and if he had heard about it, which he had, and gave me some recommendations of what I could do, but he basically said that I just needed the baby to come out so it would go away.

(You can google PUPPPS to get better pictures)

Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP) is a benign dermatosis that usually arises late in the third trimester of a first pregnancy. If you're interested, you can get a brief run down here: http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1123725-overview

My mom found a really helpful website with lots of different things women have tried to ease their suffering: http://www.naomikritzer.com/motherhood/PUPPP.shtml

My symptoms:

Hot belly

Raised stretch marks

Explosion of strech marks :(

Incredible itchiness (but I don't scratch, because when I do, the white hot burning pain returns and it takes a long time to get rid of it)

Bright pink/red stretch marks

Unfortunately, this PUPPPS stuff has also begun on my ankles, and my thighs (on top and inside), making it VERY hard to sleep at night. My nights normally go like this:

Fall asleep: 11:30ish

First wake up: 1:30 (this is usually the most painful wake up call)

Second wake up: 2:30

Third wake up: 4:30 (and I usually stay awake the rest of the night/morning)

I know a lot of people think/say "It's just training for when you have a baby!" And you know what--I don't have my baby yet, but that is crap! lol First, you don't need practise or training for not getting sleep! It's one of those thing you grow into. And, how does this logic make any sense? Do we need pratice before we get married, so we live with the guy for a while first? Well...some do. lol But NO, you don't need to do that. And Secondly, there's a huge difference to being woken up by your child because they need you and you're the only one that help them, and you know that that precious child has been entrusted to you by GOD, and being woken up because you're in pain! Big, big difference. So... there! lol

So far, this is what I've been using to try to help me:

Cold compresses

Arnica cream w/ hypericum

hypericum pills

Apis pills

Tinactin

Hydrocortisone

Diaper rash cream

Cocoa Butter

Dandylion tea

Strawberry tea

Some improvment in appearance has begun on my belly. It's not as bright, and only a few marks are raised now. I can go about the day pretty normally, but nights are still a battle.

As I'm writing this, I think it's starting to spread to under my arms a bit. :( If that happens, I am swearing off clothing! Sorry world!

Anyways, I wanted to blog about this to cause awarness, and so if I complain to you about it you can have a better idea of why I am, since this is a pretty rare pregnancy symptom and not many people have heard of it. WHY DO I GET ALL THE WEIRDO PREGNANCY THINGS?! lol

Keep me in your prayers please! That this baby will come soon, that she'll be healthy, and that my body will be able to cope with all this! :)