Midnight.
There are two nurses taking care of me that have the same name (of course, now I can't even remember...maybe it was Nancy. I remember thinking, who cares? I'm in pain!) When they were trying to put my IV in, she blew the vain on my right hand. Great. More pain is all I need! Another nurse comes in for blood samples. Yay. More pokes. I ask them when the guy is going to be there to give me the epidural. "He's on his way!" They told me.
Lies!
Another 15 minutes go by and the dude is still not there! Contractions are aweful, and even worse now that I have to be in bed laying down. I'm also so tried. I think it's something like 40 hours I've been awake, but I also haven't been having good sleeps the past 9 months, so I'm really tired. I can feel my brain starting to shut down on me.
"Where is he?!" I asked again, sounding angry (based on fear) and pathetic, even to me. "He's on his way!" They said again. "You keep saying that!" I remember feeling and sounding so pitiful and upset.
I remember my body starting to shake uncontrolably-- I guess that was happening because of adrenaline or something, but it started to scare me! My mom and MIL were rubbing my legs trying to help me relax.
Sometime just after 12:30 the anathesiologist (sp?) entered the room!! He was really nice and light hearted, and worked fast, which was my favourite part about him. He didn't talk to me very much, which I was really thankful for--I was sick of people to people. lol One of my nurses told me to swing my legs over the bed, and she gave me a pillow to hold onto. Contraction. Pain.
She tells me that when he's putting the needle in, no matter what, DO NOT MOVE! I know she has to tell me this, but it really scared me! What happened if I moved? What was too much movement? What if I had a contraction and I breathed? Would I die?? But I was so drained, I couldn't even ask. I just nodded my head and closed my eyes. He waited until I was done a contraction, and then started his business. I felt a sharp, freezing poke, and another contraction came. It was all I could do not to move, not to sit up straight and deal with the contractions the way I had been. I remember the nurse telling me to breathe and the relax, and I wanted to slap her so badly! But I didn't even have the energy to tell her to shut up! lol. I'm sooo tired of feel pain now, I can feel my mind trying to fall asleep, and mostly for escape from it all. My world consisted of me and these pains, and I was sure it was never going to end. I think I had even forgotten that I was about to have a baby!
I feel another contraction come on except... something is different. The intensity isn't there. I still feel it, a lot, but it's dulled. The nurse asks me if I feel anything different, and I say yes. I feel another contraction come on, but it's dulled even more! My spirits lift a little, and they tell me I can lay down. Now that the contractions are almost "gone" I start falling asleep. My midwife starts asking me some question that I can't even remember, and I answer a few of them, then tell her to ask either my mom or Aaron, and I pass out.
3 hours later I start to wake up. Nancy and Nancy are on my left looking at some machines. They welcome me back to the world and seemed to find it funny that I could fall asleep so fast. "You were even snoring a little!" I remember them telling me. lol I couldn't believe I had only slept for 3 hours. Why had I woken up? Then I felt something really weird. It was a contraction, but there was no pain, and I guess a feel of having to go to the bathroom came on!
Next thing I know, my bed is being raised, Aaron is being given instructions on what do to for me, I'm being instructed how to push, and a mirror is placed in front of me and angled so I could see my "WOOHOO" :)
The next 25 mins or so went by in a blur, filled with Aaron lifting and holding my head, legs being shoved up to my ears, and holding my breath while I pushed, slumping back onto the bed... repeat... It was a really interesting experience, since I'm going on 3 hours of sleep and am still very drugged up! Thanks to the mirrior, I could even watch as I tore! Really crazy, since I couldn't feel anything, and just watched it happen! haha.
Nurse Nancy tells me she can see the head coming, and after a few more pushes I can see it too! I reached down with my hand and got to feel my little baby's head. A few more pushes, out comes this little person's face! I've never seen anything so amazing before in my life! I pushed again, and out the rest of her came! Immediately my daughter it layed on my chest and I get my first touch, first smell, first everything with the newest love of my life!
She was born at 4:54am
I remember looking at her, listening to her tiny cry, looking at and feeling her little body and thinking to myself, "So you're who was inside me!" and feeling complete shock. I was a Mommy. This was my baby. This is my life.
I remember watching Aaron as he touched her and leaned over her, and I remember his eyes and seeing the awe and love (and tiredness too :) ) in them, and my heart just swelling! I've never loved that man more than when I saw him with our daughter for the first time. I was so thankful for the man he was, that I was his wife, and that together we brought this beautiful little person into the world. It was such a sweet moment, and one I hope I never forget!
I remember them asking who was going to cut the cord, and Aaron said he didn't want to (he faints at the sight of/ though of blood) so I jumped at the chance! It was and interesting feeling of "releasing" her from me, yet she was now bound to me and my life forever is such a strong and unbreakable way!
I remember them laying her on my chest and her self-attaching, which was amazing! And then feeding her again laying beside me, listening to her little sounds as she tried to latch on, with Daddy right beside trying to help her. :)
This started getting choppy from then on. Now that I had done my job of getting her out-- I was zonked! I remember my Midwife stitching me up (a lovely 2nd degree tare) and taking the baby over to be weighed and measured (8.2 oz, almost 21 inches) and barely hearing her talk to Aaron about what she was doing... and I remember my mother in law asking me if I wanted to brush my hair, and I asked "Why? does my hair look aweful?" and she said no, just thought it might feel nice. lol
Really, the next thing I remember if my father in law coming to visit, and having to cover up so he could come in the room. lol I was awake for a few minutes when he came in, but then I was out again.
Once I was able to go pee, we were allowed to leave the hospital. I think it was around 11 or so in the morning when we left to head home. I got to ride in a wheelchair! :) Our baby girl was dressed in the same outfit her daddy wore when he came home from the hospital!
I remember feeling protective right away. While it would take several weeks for it to sink in that I was her mommy and that she was actually my baby and not someone else's, I sure felt protective! is she warm enough? Make sure that blanket it tight! Is she hungry? Well let me just try to feed her... even with people holding her, I was very protective. But that's getting ahead of myself. :)
Anyway, the long and short of it is, we made it home! My brother Ken and his wife Heather and their two girls came to visit with my dad, and I was so happy to get to show her off, even if I was falling asleep when people were talking to me. :) My dad gave me some flowers and a balloon ( that's STILL floating!) and Ken and Heather gave us some food! So nice!! :) Later in the evening Aaron's brother Matt and his wife Holly and their new baby boy Elijah came to visit! I don't think everyone was gone until 10:00pm and I don't think I had napped yet, so we both were super ready for sleep! lol
That night was scary, because I chose to co-sleep, but Aaron and I were both so scared of rolling onto her! But I was awake every 1-2 hours to feed her, plus waking up periodically to check on her. :) She was also still coughing up amniotic fluid and mucus, which did a very good job at keep us awake! man, I remember my heart stopping when she would cough up...But, we made it though the first night just fine!
We chose her name the next day after ruling out all the names on our top 3 list. We chose the lovely name Terrah. The next day we chose her middle name--Lynn (my middle name) And so we got Terrah Lynn Glanfield! CUTEST BABY EVER!
I am so grateful for this amazing experience! There were definately HARD parts, but I would do it all over again if it meant having Terrah! Motherhood is something I could never have prepared myself for, because for all the work that is invloved, I could never have imagined how much I would LOVE this sweet baby Heavely Father has entrusted to me! Every time I hold her I think, "I love you so much... but I have no idea what I'm doing!" and I pray daily that I'll be able to teach her the best I can, to love her the best I can, and that Heavenly Father will pick up the peices I drop and fill in the wholes. And I pray that when she's older, she'll forgive me for the mistakes I made!
I'm also so grateful for all the love and support we have been shown by family and friends! To make a list of everything everyone has done for me would take several blog posts! lol But I am so grateful for the amazing people my daughter gets to have around her, and for the example they will be to her as she grows! Thank you, and I love you all SO MUCH!
