Saturday, April 17th, 2010
I laboured like that, alone, for about the first 3 hours. I didn't want to wake up Aaron yet, because I knew he would need his sleep, and for some reason I just didn't want to disturb him. Silly me. lol I was texting my parents though, and talking to my poor sister, Tami (who is going slightly crazy over this! :) She wants to be here very badly, and I wish she could be too... so she's compensating by not sleeping either. lol) She was doing great, giving me tips to try and helping me out as best she could.
I had called my midwife, Kelly, and found out she was at a birth, and so was her backup midwife. Which meant if I wanted to be checked or anything I would have to go to the hospital. I really didn't want to do that, and told myself I was still okay and could handle this myself for a little while longer, and see if the lady she was with would have her baby soon, making Kelly able to come to me. But I wasn't doing very good labouring on my own. I told Kelly I was seriously considering having a epidural. She knew I really didn't want that, and reminded me of the pros and cons to having one. I decided I would hold out a little while longer.
3:30am, I told my dad to tell mom it was time for her to leave to come here. I should have told her to come eariler--why I was trying to be "strong" by myself, I have no idea! I decided to get in the bath tub and see how I faired in there, and the water seemed to help me a lot, so I called to Aaron and told him to get the birth pool ready. It was already blown up, so he just needed to put the liner in and get the hose to fill it up. He was very attentive to me, asking me if I was okay before going to the house for the hose and a big pot for boiling water, and worked really fast and efficiently. :) I was feeling a lot better now that someone else was with me, and got a glimps of hope that I could actually do this the way I had always planned.
Aaron's mom, Carol, ended up coming over to help boil water to speed up the tub being filled. I wanted to get in there so badly! lol It quickly became apparent that I needed Aaron with me whenever I had a contraction. I needed to feel his strength and his support while I was going through those few seconds of pain.
Around 5:00am my mom arrived, sounding all cheery and happy, like we were having a party or something! lol It felt even more possible to have a home birth now that she was there, and having the support of her, Aaron and Carol really boosted my confidence level.
FYI-- Contractions SUCK! Mine were coming every few minutes and last somewhere around a minute. Some people told me contractions feel like a wave, starting off small, getting large and heavy, and then dying down. I didn't get to experience this. Mine just seemed to be already at the peak when they happened, and then stop, then come again! The best thing I could do was hold onto Aaron and breathe in while he rubbed my back upwards, then when I exhaled he would rub down. Meanwhile, I was rolling my head from side to side, trying to make everything as rhythmical as possible.
Aaron and I tried to rest as much as we could between contractions. However, that meant laying down for only a few moments, before I was saying Aaron's name (which was his cue to get up and start rubbing my back)
The day moved surprisingly fast. One minute it was dark, then we saw the sun come up, then it got dark again! lol
I was calling my midwife at various times to keep her updated. I think it was around 5 or 6pm that she was able to get to my place. That was another source of hope for me-- now that she was here, I could get this baby out of me! Oh, how nieve... She checked me when she first got there, and said I was 6cm. I was so upset. Only 6?! Didn't my body know how much pain I was in, how long I've been feeling it all for, and it had only opened to 6?! Everyone else thought this was great, which made me more upset. Dummies-- 9 would have been good news! lol
By now my contractions are right on top of each other. Kelly asked if my water broke, but I didn't know (how are you supposed to know when you're in water? lol) So she broke my water for me at are 8 or 9pm (those kind of details are fuzzy now... but doesn't really matter I guess.)
Now I'm feeling hopeful that this baby will come! There was even a time I thought I was feeling urges to push... Kelly kept telling me I would "know" when it was time... but I think I was feeling so done, I imagined I was ready. She checked me, and in a few hours I had only gotten to 7 cm. When I heard that, I could feel my spirits drop, like someone had opened my mouth and poured already drying cement down my throat.
I had been having a hard time managing the pain from the contractions for a while. My strong grunts and moans became higher pitched, and I could feel myself losing control of my breathing. Crying was becoming more and more frequent, and I could see the stress of my being in pain showing on Aaron's face, so I'd try harder, and tried to tell myself that if pioneer women could do this, if women have always been able to do this, I could too... But I was tired, and in pain. Aaron reminded me that we could always go to the hospital for an epidural, and told me that I wouldn't be letting myself down at all, and that he was proud of me and how well I was doing. Even Kelly suggested going to hospital.
Aaron and I were in the bathroom together while I finished a contraction when I had another crying break down. That's when I told him I was thinking of going to the hospital. He was encouraging, but told me it was my decision and that he'd support me with whatever I chose to do. I had so many arguments going through my mind... I had come all this way, only to quit now? Was I really this weak? I hate drugs and hospitals and Doctors, and never wanted my babies born there. I've been awake for so long, how much longer can I really do this for? And I knew the answer-- I was done! I knew there was an escape goat to the pain--and I wanted it!
So, I made up my mind. I announced I wanted to go. Once I had made up my mind, it was all I could think about. I was starting to feel my mind and body shut down, my strength leaving, and my overall drive was fading. Kelly had to pack up all her gear and call the hospital and I'm not sure what else.. My mom and MIL (mother in law) finished packing my bag for me. I was scared of the car ride, because contractions were hard for me to manage while I was sitting. I usually had to be standing, leaning on Aaron! (Poor guy got a real work out that day, too! Trying to hold up a fat pregnant woman. lol)
When they were almost ready to go, Aaron and I left first. I know Heavenly Father was watching out for me now, because I only had 2 or 3 contractions on the way to the hospital, and they seemed somwhat easy to manage. We got to the hospital, and Kelly took my to my room while Aaron did some paper work I guess, then met me in the room. I was the only woman in the ward at that time! Pretty sweet. :) We got there around 12:00am Sunday morning... which means, one last post before the end of the birth story! :)
Come back soon!ish...
